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Is it Friday yet?

Permalink: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson , Posted to Fishing Buddy on 05/19/2011 07:30 AM | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson

Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
A woman is in a coma. Nurses are in her room giving her a sponge bath. One of them is washing her "private area" and notices that there is a response on the monitor when he touches her. They go to her husband and explain what happened, telling him, "Crazy as this sounds, maybe a little oral sex will do the trick and bring her out of t...he coma." The husband is skeptical, but they assure him that they'll close the curtains for privacy. Besides it's worth a try. The hubby finally agrees and goes into his wife's room. After a few minutes the woman's monitor flat-lines... no pulse... no heart rate. The nurses run into the room. The husband is standing there, pulling up his pants and says, "I think she choked.

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by LOV2HNT on 05/19/2011 07:34 AM | Reply #1 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
LOV2HNT
Joined: 10/21/2009
Location: ND

Haha.....

"If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month."
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 07:48 AM | Reply #2 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas
The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 07:48 AM | Reply #3 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
Two brothers are opening presents at Christmas
The younger brother has 20 presents and the older one only has one. The younger brother says to the older one, "Haha, I have 20 presents you only have one!" The older brother replies "Haha, you have cancer."

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by ggenthusiast on 05/19/2011 07:52 AM | Reply #4 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
ggenthusiast
Joined: 09/11/2002
Location: ND
thats terrrible

I say to hell with that pot o' gold.
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 08:00 AM | Reply #5 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
The pope had become very ill and was taken to many doctors, all of whom could not figure out how to cure him. Finally he was brought to an old physician, who stated that he could figure it out. After about an hour's examination he came out and told the cardinals that he knew what was wrong. He said that the bad news was that it was a rare disorder of the testicles. He said that the goods news was that all the pope had to do to be cured was to have sex.
Well, this was not good news to the cardinals, who argued about it at length.
Finally they went to the pope with the doctor and explained the situation.
After some thought, the pope stated, "I agree, but under four conditions."
The cardinals were amazed and there arose quite an uproar. Over all of the noise there arose a single voice that asked, "And what are the four conditions?" The room stilled. There was a long pause... The pope replied,
"First the girl must be blind, so that she cannot see with whom she is having sex. "Second, she must be deaf, so that she cannot hear with whom she is having sex. "And third she must be dumb so that if somehow she figures out with who she is having sex, she can tell no one." After another long pause a voice arose and asked, "And the fourth condition?" The pope smiled and replied, "Big tits."


Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 08:50 AM | Reply #6 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
8. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
9. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
10. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 09:30 AM | Reply #7 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
Scientists find it perplexing that Chuck Norris doesn't know his way around his vagina

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by biggamehunter on 05/19/2011 10:22 AM | Reply #8 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
biggamehunter
Joined: 07/27/2008
Location: ND
yes it is friday..in the eyes of a school kid :)! just got done on tuesday and now its SUMMER! wooo!
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Jig-em-up-Josh on 05/19/2011 10:51 AM | Reply #9 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Jig-em-up-Josh
Joined: 10/31/2003
Location: ND
biggamehunter Said:
yes it is friday..in the eyes of a school kid :)! just got done on tuesday and now its SUMMER! wooo!
May your summer be filled with sun burns/farmer tan, Moutain Dew buzzes, lots of fishing action, a few bon fires, and some spending money!

Captain Josh Burgett

www.jig-em-up-guide-service.com
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by biggamehunter on 05/19/2011 11:35 AM | Reply #10 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
biggamehunter
Joined: 07/27/2008
Location: ND
Jig-em-up-Josh Said:
biggamehunter Said:
yes it is friday..in the eyes of a school kid :)! just got done on tuesday and now its SUMMER! wooo!
May your summer be filled with sun burns/farmer tan, Moutain Dew buzzes, lots of fishing action, a few bon fires, and some spending money!
Hopefully its close to that! last summer at home before college. Gotta spend the time the right way...an that sounds pretty fun! Hopefully the fishing starts to pick up soon!
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Rod N Reel on 05/19/2011 11:38 AM | Reply #11 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Rod N Reel
Joined: 01/08/2010
Location: ND
 #11 to Swanson't joke.  

there is no peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's church next sunday.  :0)
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by bullheadmaster on 05/19/2011 12:00 PM | Reply #12 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
bullheadmaster
Joined: 11/29/2002
Location: ND
To answer the question. No, Swanson it is not Friday, It is Thursday.  Thank you.

Big J
Just a lil' Slap n Tickle, n Tickle n Slap....
Be careful, I can be potentially deadly....
I'm a one man wolfpack...
A quote from my boyfriend Robbie. "I spent the night in jail once.  A bunch of times."
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 12:13 PM | Reply #13 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
haha, was bored sorry .......god you guys suck

Re: Is it Friday yet?
by yelowjackt on 05/19/2011 1:02 PM | Reply #14 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
yelowjackt
Joined: 08/31/2005
Location: ND
Ok...I'll play...

One night Little Johnny was really scared sleeping by himself at camp, so he sprints out of his tent and runs to his teachers tent and asks "Miss can I please sleep with you tonight ?".

His teacher replies "NO"

Johnny moans and says "But my mummy lets me".

"OK then, just for tonight" the teacher replies.

Johnny jumps into bed with her and asks "Miss can I please play with your belly button with my finger".

She again says "NO".

"But my mummy lets me" says Johnny again.

"Well I suppose it's OK" replies the teacher.

Things are silent for a few minutes until the teacher leaps up screaming "THAT'S NOT MY BELLY BUTTON"

Little Johnny replies "It aint my finger either".

 




… brindle is as brindle does 
Re: Is it Friday yet?
by Swanson on 05/19/2011 1:44 PM | Reply #15 | "Quote" | "Quick Reply" |
Swanson
Joined: 09/07/2007
Location: ND
yayyyyyyyy I like to play too, also I will be drinking beer and going fishing tonight. soooooooooooo its gonna be a great day

29 Replies | Page 1 of 212 Next Page >> | Top of Page | Bottom of Page
Posted By: Swanson
Posted On: 05/19/2011 07:30 AM
2029 Views, 29 Comments

Tags: friday, husband, room, nurses, coma, woman, monitor, one, bath, sponge
More Tags: coma,
Region: Minnesota

Categories: Other > Entertainment
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